Here are some tips for maneuvering around subjects and issues that can make thank you note writing difficult.
Thank You Notes vs. Thank You Cards
Is a thank you note the same as a card? Are they different? A thank you note does not (traditionally) have any mention of thanks on the front of the note or card. A thank you note used to be written on monogrammed stationery, but who has that these days? Many opt for cute boxed thank you cards. However, if your goal is the elegant and sincere communication of gratitude, avoid official thank you notes.
Why? When the recipient opens the envelope and sees the card, he or she immediately knows the contents of the message. No matter how elegantly the message is written, it is as if they are reading a note with “invoice” stamped on it. Starting the communication with “Thank You” (whether on the card or in the message) merely reads as a fulfillment of an obligation of social protocol instead of a genuine message of gratitude.
A single thank you card (which can be elegant or humorous) can be appropriate for a minor unexpected or unlooked-for action, but should be chosen with the recipient in mind. The card should never be merely signed; several sentences should be added.
There are many who disagree with the author on the point of boxed thank you cards, and the most important thing is that the thank you note is sent.
Thank You Notes for Monetary Gifts (and Gift Cards)
Often graduates and wedding couples have the touchy task of writing thank you notes for monetary gifts. Many want to express gratitude but don’t want to sound crass. No problem! Never refer to the amount of a gift (or gift card) explicitly. Instead, say “I want to thank you for your generous gift!” “Thank you for thinking of me – your gift will come in very useful when we move!” With monetary gifts, always write what the gift will be used for. “I don’t know how you knew I needed new shoes!” “I’ll finally be able to buy that movie!” “Unexpected expenses messed this month’s budget up, and this will really help me pull through.”
Send Bread-and-Butter Notes
“Bread-and-Butter” notes are thank you notes written in thanks for a friend or relative putting someone up for the night (or week). Even if it was a close relative, these notes are never underappreciated. It is often useful to include phrases like, “I know we made it crowded” and “I know it takes extra energy to have an extra roommate for a day” followed by “and I really appreciate you putting up with us anyway,” “and I couldn’t have made the trip without you opening your home,” or “letting me stay with you meant a great deal to me.”
Be Careful With Wedding Gift Thank You Notes
Be sure the right person is being thanked for the right gift. Often during weddings, gifts and cards can be misplaced. If at all possible, verify the gift and giver. If there is any doubt, make a phone call. Also, never mention if the gift will be returned or exchanged. Remember, the thank you note is about the giver. Make sure that the contents of a box is verified before writing a thank you note or exchanging the gift. One friend wrote a thank you note for a duplicate toaster and returned it, only to find out from her friend that there was a hand-made quilt in the toaster box!
Remember to Focus on the Giver, Not the Gift
Of course, one should not lie at all, but lies written down tend to come back to bite the author. If gratitude cannot be felt for a gift, again, focus on the giver. If “I love it!” or even “I needed it” is a lie, talk about how unique, radiant, colorful, soft, warm, interesting, or eye-opening the gift is.
For Four Rules on Writing Thank You Notes, click here
For Suggestions and Strategies For Thank You Notes, click here
For Instructing Children in Writing Thank You Notes, click here
Lisa Noel Chrisman - Lisa Noel Chrisman has been having adventures from a very young age with a variety of fun and interesting companions. She graduated from ...
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